State of Relaxion

I woke up this morning, lied in bed, and felt completely immersed in relxation. I haven't felt this feeling in years! The last time was probably back in grade 8 times. Wow, it was truly amazing. Its just a feeling of huge gratitude, appreciation, overcoming, triumph, and care-freeness. :D wow. I guess I felt it because I finished the last thing ever to go on to my OUAC marks, the Calculus mark. I finished this huge chapter 8 test, and Rickter treated us to pizza, and I hung out with Tara after. So relaxed, chill, and worry-free. Thank you God. I even thanked Him for giving me my concussions. I can't change it, so I have to deal positively with it. I thanked him for everything: ALL my high school experiences, my concussions, some great friends, hockey, parents, and food. Thank you, my Lord. Law Of Attraction came into affect again. I've been thinking about Will lately and his relations with God, how he's become so absorbed in it. I want to learn more about that. So I read 'Footprints', the small book our neighbors gave us. It's good. Then later, I chose to do a podcast titled, 'Footprints' as well for English. (CBC Ideas, it sounds like an amazing show, I should really to it online/often.) Anyways, I just felt sooo relieved and worry-free and thankful and humble and relaxed and content with everything that has happened in my life so far.

Yesterday, I wrote a thank you letter to McMaster University; I thanked them for accepting me despite my horrid condition. I expressed self-loathe, but also how I ultimately conquered it and kept focus the entire time to finally achieve my goal. If I want to get in, I have to ask, believe, receive. I asked, a long time ago. I truly truly believe. I can completely picture myself at Mac, embracing my new self, giving in to university life, and cheering on the Marauders. I want Mac. I'm going into Mac, my Big Mac fat pack, I'm getting into Mac. I'm going into Mac. That's my song, haha. So I wrote the thank you letter. I believe. If something looks, sounds, walks, talks, acts (blank), it probably is (blank). I know how I will be after I get accepted. I can picture it, imagine it, embrace it. It is force field just waiting to be unleashed. It is the light to my darkness. It is the bright star to my black hole. I'm going to McMaster. I GOT INTO MCMASTER! Now, the only thing is to RECEIVE. Please god, help me here. I have worked exuberantly for the past 4 months with this brain injury. No way is all that work going to waste. I have been focused, concentrated and stayed goal-oriented this whole time. This year was not how I pictured it to be, but that's okay, I've overcome, conquered, and triumphed over it. Please, I'm going to get accepted tomorrow. Maybe even this week, but soon, ASAP allows it!!!! I WANT MAC. PLEASE. IM GOING TO MCMASTER. I GOT INTO MCMASTER!!! FINALLLYYYYY!!! SHITTTT, I CAN ACTUALLY LIVE MY FUCKEN LIFE NOW!!! HOLYYY! NO MATTER WHAT WE PARTY TONIGHT! Thank you.

Btw, the other day, I finally got the chance to sit down with myself and just plain, old DOODLE. Just doodle, and write whatever random words come to mind. It was fun! Such a fun activity to utilize my beautiful writing skills, haha. That's where the letter got drafted from, lol. I haven't doodle in months!!! Probably since before the summer! Damn, definately not since my concussion!! OMFG! Its such a good activity, to get scribble down any thoughts, words, ideas, emotions sprawl to mind. :D

But now, I can officially say that I am done all assignments, projects, tests, quizzes, and summative marks that will be sent for universities to evaluate. Thank god. No pressure from here. Now, I just have to finish things without freaking out and worrying too much over them. School is nearly done. I still want to make honour roll and be an Ontario Scholar, over 80% avg. No sweat. From here on out its just: completing schoolwork without worries, having FUN, creating stronger relationships with friends who I think will be there for the long haul, laughing, socializing, going out for social functions, going to prom, glaming up, basking in the sun, working the fuck out, and spending much-needed time with family.

I am kinda sad (not really) to say that I missed the year-end party for the dolphins yesterday. But it's okay, I didn't feel as I were apart of the team. Once I left with my concussions, my presence left with it. I couldn't go to practice, games, tournaments, etc. It's been 6 months and I still haven't healed and gotten back on my feet. So it doesn't bother me. Why would I go to every game and watch anyways, knowing that I couldn't play and that I would basically be out the whole season. My parents have to work and they are busy. They already lost $4000. It's okay, they faired well without me, it's not like they missed me too much. Oh well, I'm fine with that. These concussions and those exercise science classes kinda gave me a new outlook/perspective/view on how I see sports in general. I really miss hockey, but it didn't miss me. I miss being apart of a team. I miss the all-out, drenched-in-sweat feeling. I miss working hard at practice. I miss coughing after a hard game. I miss letting my lungs pound. I miss flying with the puck, feeling free and in complete control. But all this work was worth it, I got into Mac, my ultimate goal. And right now, that is more important than anything. It is the epitome of high school, of senior year especially. So I'm glad I can call myself a Marauder now. It was all worth it in the end. God, I truly want to thank you for helping me through the difficult path, for carrying me along one of the toughest things in my high school career so far. I made it. I made it. Thank you, God Bless, and flipping amen. :D